I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
