Soap is not a condiment
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
