She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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