Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
