Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
