Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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