Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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