So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
3pm strippers are depressing
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
