Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
