Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
