so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Enjoy the penises
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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