omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize