I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Alive.
So much puke
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
