some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
