There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How does one acquire holy water?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
