He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
