Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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