Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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