Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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