im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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