it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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