It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
