im gay
i know
yea but for you.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
