omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I checked into jail on foursquare
she peed on how many people?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
