She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
