chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
