Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
