And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
