Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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