then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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