On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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