im about as happy as oj after his trial
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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