Everything about him screamed your future.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
