you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
