I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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