YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
love makes seman taste better
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
