Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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