I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
