all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I need a burrito and a hug.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
