So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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