Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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