you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
