a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
