Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
