The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
