I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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