How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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