Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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