k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
