Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
