Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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