Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
