I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
