I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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