my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
