You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
