Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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