The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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