the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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