You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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