i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
