Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You made out with two different species that night
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
