just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
