nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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