The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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