she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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