I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
