you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
