This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
